I wish people would fucking understand that when you are depressed and the sadness hits you out of nowhere you don’t feel like doing anything and your mind shuts down so you can’t fucking remember what you’re supposed to be doing to make your self all smiles and sunshine again you’re lucky if you remember to just fucking take care of your self all you want to do is disappear from existence you don’t care about feeling good any more you don’t know how it’s crippling its not like I’m choosing not to help myself I fucking can’t I’m just so lost and confused and sad all the time I want it all to go away so I can be the happy kid I used to be and go on with my life but my fucking messed up brain wont let me
So stop getting mad at me for being depressed its not like I wanted to be like this its not like I want to lie around in a helpless state I just can’t bring myself to do anything any more
I hate myself so much.

Guys. Being bipolar is NOT awesome. I do not flip from hating things to thinking how awesome everything is. I’m either either my normal self or extremely depressed. Please stop making jokes about it. It is not fun at all to have this condition. I hate having it, and seeing these sort of things trigger me and make me upset that people joke about it so lightly like this. This goes for other mental disorders. Joking about them can be triggering for people who experience them/know someone going through it. idk just a rant from someone dealing with bipolar ii
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Guys.

Being bipolar is NOT awesome.

I do not flip from hating things to thinking how awesome everything is. I’m either either my normal self or extremely depressed.

Please stop making jokes about it. It is not fun at all to have this condition. I hate having it, and seeing these sort of things trigger me and make me upset that people joke about it so lightly like this.

This goes for other mental disorders. Joking about them can be triggering for people who experience them/know someone going through it.

idk just a rant from someone dealing with bipolar ii

I wish my parents had gotten a better daughter.

Not one with mental illnesses that needs therapy every week. Nor one that’s not in college due to her dumb problems unlike her peers.

Not an ungrateful bitch who has been the least bit supportive during the recent loss in the family.

Not an antisocial loser who only seems to regularly hang out with videogames and animated characters and buys freaking children’s toys as a hobby.

They deserve someone so much better than me.

I know I can’t be her. It just wasn’t meant to be the moment that fate decided to slap depression, anxiety, and bipolar II onto my plate and snatched away my dreams and motivation.

I’m sorry I can’t be a good daughter. I wish I was.

But I’m not.

At work.

  • Coworker: So you come here right after school?
  • Me: I'm not in school right now.
  • Him: But aren't you in high school?
  • Me: No, I graduated.
  • Him: Well how old are you?
  • Me: *age*
  • Him: *accusatory tone* Then why aren't you in college?
  • Me: *taken aback*
  • I really hate when people ask why I'm not in school. I hate these kinds of reactions even more. Now I feel like shit.

So I have no life, all of the stuff I enjoy is bullshit, and the only relationships I’ll ever have are with fictional characters?

That kind of actually really hurt.

I always sort of expected to be bullied someday about this. I never expected you to say something like this.

I’m really trying. I do want a job. It’s hard for me to reach out and contact people. I am trying. I really am. I am trying to put on a happy face and tough it on through but it is just not working any more.

So yeah, I guess you’re right….

i need videogames

they’re probably the one thing that would get my mind off of all this stress and shit college is forcing on me

but they’re all 4+ hours away at home since i was terrified about my consoles being stolen right now (esp. brand new ps3)

i could really use some okami or something right now

just something with fantasy and a great story to help me forget how sucky everything is and get away from it all